The next day, we did the same thing. Every time I hugged him, I felt on top of the world. Everytime someone said his name, I smiled & giggled & my heart skipped a beat. He was my world. He was my Sun. He was my life. He was my everything. Time went on & one day, we were talking. To be exact, it was New Years Eve. I had just confessed to him that I was in love with him & I wanted to marry him some day. Then I asked him if there was another girl he thought was prettier than me. His response was, "yes but i'm wit u and not her rite?". I won't say the girls name. I started crying. I had never been hurt like that. It felt like an actual hole had been punched right in my chest. My lungs, ripped out. But I was with family & held back the tears. He got mad at me for crying over that. I felt stupid. I felt like he was going to leave me. I over react a lot, but I think I had reason to be upset over that. We got over that very quickly.
Then one day. A girl, I did not like, told me that my boyfriend had cheated on me with her. I didn't believe her. He had told me he loved me & only wanted me. I believed him. I trusted him. But I still asked him about it. & he straight up told me he did it. He broke up with me when I told him he was an asshole. He told me I was a bitch.
I was very hurt by him. I cried for a very long time. But I didn't let it show. No one saw my pain. Except for one. His name was Nick. He came along & picked me up & made me feel better. But I saw him as only a rebound & went right back to my ex the first chance I got. As bad as I felt for hurting someone innocent, I was very pleased to have my ex back. Things were great at first. We hardly ever fought. But he had dropped out of school & was living with another girl. So I barley saw him. One day, I stayed after school for a dance performance. & he surprised me by showing up & giving me a huge hug. We spent that night together & it was amazing. As soon as dark came, he took my hand & led me away from everyone else. He took me behind the school to a greenhouse. We went inside. It was beautiful. The plants were amazing. They were mostly dead & dried up, but I still loved them. I won't go into too much detail, but that night he took my virginity. I didn't want it to happen & I told him to stop. He never did. I didn't consider it rape & I wasn't mad at him. I was too foolish back then.
After that night, he stopped calling me. He stopped texting me. We lost all contact. After about a week of little contact, he came to my school to see me. My mom was coming to pick me up from school that day & I wanted him to meet her. He didn't want to, but my mom meant a lot to me & I wanted her approval. He met her & she liked him. She gave him a ride to the skate park & a few minutes later, I asked him if there was anyone else in the world he'd rather be with. & he told me the name of another girl. My world was crushed then. It was over. He dumped me because he said he didn't want to "hurt" me. Hmmm. I later found out that he had had sex with a 12 year old while dating me. He was 17 at the time. I also found out that he had never loved me & used me only for sex. It was a terrible feeling. I don't even want to explain it. I changed my entire self after that. I wanted another chance with him. I wanted him back. But I never got my second chance.
We still talk to this day. & I am still very much in love with him to this day. But we will never get back together. He has told me he doesn't look at me like that anymore. & I've somewhat accepted it. But I still tear up everytime I hear his name or hear about his new girlfriends..
